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The fear doesn’t serve you, in fact, it’s creating its own feedback loop of negative consequences. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. When people see confidence in you what they are really seeing is a lack of fear that you think they are judging you, and they see that they dealing with the real you, which makes you easy to talk to and deal with. Even though harm can come about, acting as though it won’t occur generally yields better results. So Con-Fidence is acting with trust in other people, treating them as if you know you can be yourself and not risk harm. It’s where we get Fiduciary and the dog name Fido. The word itself comes from Fidelis, Latin for Faithfulness/Trust. Clean, well dressed, and confident is ALWAYS going to look good, no matter the frame.Ĭonfidence is a vastly misunderstood concept. Lastly, A lot comes down to how you present yourself. I think in Stright Circles, this is known as surrounding yourself with 3's so that a 5 looks like a 9 (I hope that makes sense!!!). If you find a bar that caters to the more mature/less concerned with image types, you'll find the attitudes are much different. you're going to feel out of place and "the ugly one". If you are going to dance clubs where everyone is thin and twinky, while you're more substantial, yeah. I think a lot of it depends on who and what you surround yourself with. Hell, oftentimes I was the "thin one" out of the group. But I hung out in Bear Bars and the Leather Scene and I was NEVER judged on my size.
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I should also mention that I met my husband when I was almost 100 lbs heavier than I am now. But even after 16 years of marriage and finding a boyfriend to join us, my confidence has never been that strong. I have never had a problem getting the attention I wanted. I'm fairly chubby but not what I'd call FAT (other Gays might). So to the fat gay guys who are confident and maybe even perceived as attractive: how do you do it?Ħ'7" and I'm at 260. And I can’t blame people for not finding me attractive when at the back of my mind I know I don’t find me attractive either. I've never gotten any positive attention for my looks ever, and seeing all my friends constantly get hit on while I get looked at like im moldy bread does things to your self-esteem.
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That shit hurted, and I know he’s obviously shallow and that I shouldn’t waste my time with people like him, but to me it seems like this is how most people see me. Just recently I was out with two friends and some drunk guy who was much older than us came up and tried to flirt and he said something along the lines of “if I was ten years younger I’d want to get with the three of you”, then looked at me again and said “well maybe just you two” to my friends. What pains me is the thought that even though I know of my progress, to people who don’t know me, I still just seem fat and lazy. So first up: I do try to exercise regularly and eat healthy, but losing weight is a long, difficult process, and although I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and am much closer to an average weight than before and am aware of what I’ve accomplished, I still struggle with confidence when it comes to my physical appearance. I'm not part of the 30+ demographic, but I figure the people here would have more experience and better tips.